When it comes to love, run with it til it's over. Give it your all. If it doesn't work out. Learn. Then start again. Idea is that eventually you're learning curve will progress to the point where you're learning has stabilized. You should be able to find what you want by this point. Then again not everyone follows the function that models the learning curve. You may very well be an atypical case. Or maybe you just flat out refuse to learn.
Below is an image of what is referred to in psychology as the S curve for complex behaviors. If love isn't THE MOST COMPLEX BEHAVIOR known to man you tell me what is.
The idea is, in the beginning, you'll make mistakes, but once you get going you'll learn from them. So keep going. Ideally, you will hit that plateau and your learning will stabilize. By then you should be a pro and hopefully find what it is you're looking for. I know one thing is for sure, it's much easier when you pick one.Some people claim that they cheat because they're in love with two people.
But still. Pick one. Life is much easier when loving on a 1:1 ratio. Those that attempt to love on 1:2 or 1:3 ratios offer significantly less portion sizes. What you have to offer someone will be greatly diminished. Time, energy, effort and patience will all be divided down to miniscule amounts.
Think about it. If you love on a 1:1 ratio you are giving your partner 100%. When you introduce a second person (whether it be an ex, a mistress, side boo, jump off, secret lover, or whatever they call it nowadays) you are now operating on a 1:2 ratio. What you have to offer each person rapidly dwindles down to 50%. For the bold individuals operating on a 1:3 ratio, that introduce a 3rd, you are now only giving each person a maximum of 33%.
For those that stray and claim that love is not involved and that what they give to their so called secondary significant other is just sex, or time, or money: I have a feeling you aren't very good at fractions. Even if love is a "non-factor", you are still undoubtedly slicing off pieces of the thought, time and resources that should be contributed to your primary significant other to someone else.
Honestly I don't think that's fair. Especially if your primary is giving his or her 100%.
Some people say they're scared. They don't want to be hurt. What if your primary doesn't give 100%? What if they're not operating on a 1:1 ratio system? What if you give someone your all and it doesn't work out?
Pick one. Take the chance. Love one person with everything and anything you've got. Think of how breathtakingly and painstakingly amazing it would be if they did the same; if one person sat down at the table across from you and said "You have all of me". The 'me' being the capability we have as human beings to love another individual who is not our family. Romantic love. My heart. Me.
Background: This post was largely inspired by a friend of mine. He says he's in love with both his ex fiancee and new girlfriend. He asked me what should he do? I told him to pick one.
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