Pick One

Word of advice? Pick one.

When it comes to love, run with it til it's over. Give it your all. If it doesn't work out. Learn. Then start again. Idea is that eventually you're learning curve will progress to the point where you're learning has stabilized. You should be able to find what you want by this point. Then again not everyone follows the function that models the learning curve. You may very well be an atypical case. Or maybe you just flat out refuse to learn.

Below is an image of what is referred to in psychology as the S curve for complex behaviors. If love isn't THE MOST COMPLEX BEHAVIOR known to man you tell me what is.
The idea is, in the beginning, you'll make mistakes, but once you get going you'll learn from them. So keep going. Ideally, you will hit that plateau and your learning will stabilize. By then you should be a pro and hopefully find what it is you're looking for. I know one thing is for sure, it's much easier when you pick one.

Some people claim that they cheat because they're in love with two people.

But still. Pick one. Life is much easier when loving on a 1:1 ratio. Those that attempt to love on 1:2 or 1:3 ratios offer significantly less portion sizes. What you have to offer someone will be greatly diminished. Time, energy, effort and patience will all be divided down to miniscule amounts.

Think about it. If you love on a 1:1 ratio you are giving your partner 100%. When you introduce a second person (whether it be an ex, a mistress, side boo, jump off, secret lover, or whatever they call it nowadays) you are now operating on a 1:2 ratio. What you have to offer each person rapidly dwindles down to 50%. For the bold individuals operating on a 1:3 ratio, that introduce a 3rd, you are now only giving each person a maximum of 33%.

For those that stray and claim that love is not involved and that what they give to their so called secondary significant other is just sex, or time, or money: I have a feeling you aren't very good at fractions. Even if love is a "non-factor", you are still undoubtedly slicing off pieces of the thought, time and resources that should be contributed to your primary significant other to someone else.

Honestly I don't think that's fair. Especially if your primary is giving his or her 100%.

Some people say they're scared. They don't want to be hurt. What if your primary doesn't give 100%? What if they're not operating on a 1:1 ratio system? What if you give someone your all and it doesn't work out?

Pick one. Take the chance. Love one person with everything and anything you've got. Think of how breathtakingly and painstakingly amazing it would be if they did the same; if one person sat down at the table across from you and said "You have all of me". The 'me' being the capability we have as human beings to love another individual who is not our family. Romantic love. My heart. Me.


Background: This post was largely inspired by a friend of mine. He says he's in love with both his ex fiancee and new girlfriend. He asked me what should he do? I told him to pick one.

Altruism: The Good in Everyone

I wholeheartedly, without waiver or fail, believe in the best in people. It's my greatest strength and my biggest weakness.

More people than you think will do the right thing simply because it is the right thing.

Human beings are biologically and genetically pre-inclined to care about the well-being of each other. Human beings exhibit something behavioral biologist refer to as altruism. An act of altruism is generally defined as "when an organism's behavior benefits other organisms, at a cost to itself", e.g. when you do something good for someone else at a risk or loss to yourself.

So yeah, the good is there.

Other species also exhibit altruistic behaviors. Example: The Vervet monkey will howl to alert others at the sight of a predator. This howl attracts attention to the monkey making the alarm call, therefore the monkey in question is sacrificing his own personal fitness/safety to save others. Many times the monkey that howls is the first to die. Yet, it will howl to save countless others (and not just familial relations) at the risk of its own life.

But why?

Why do we as humans do it? Why does the "good samaritan" scenario play itself out over and over again on a daily basis around the world?

Sure it's easy to argue the opposite. Why do people put their own selves above others? Each individual wants to live, survive, prosper. Also, caring about your family is easy because you ideally would like your genetic markers, reproductively, to carry on. You also love your family.

But why is it people will put their lives on the line for a stranger? Why does an instinct sometimes kick in to do the right thing?

Meh, I'm not sure. I don't have any answers. If you thought I did, well I'm sorry, I have more questions than anyone. Here's what I do know though:

There's good in everyone ^_^

Sex

Sex isn't overrated, but it is overemphasized.

Sex, when done right and with the right person, is A M A Z I N G. So when someone remarks that sex is overrated a song lyric comes to mind "Some say the sex is overrated but they just ain't doing it right". I'm inclined to agree.

Not only does sexual activity release endorphins in our brain that produce immeasurable amounts of happiness and pleasure, but it also serves to create bonds between individuals when done repeatedly over time.

Sex is a beautiful way to express love to someone.

But the science of sex and an orgasm is what's remarkable. Forgive me if I intersperse slang in with scientific discourse. When things get going, get busy, when you're hitting that right, smainging, or just plain fucking, your genitals send electrical impulses along the pelvic, hypogastric and pudendal nerves which then travel up your spinal chord alerting your brain of what's going on. Your brain in turn decides to release neurotrophins and generate signals to increase blood flow, release fluids, etc. And all of this continues to build up until you finally a) stop or b) experience that mind tingling, body paralyzing, soul numbing feeling of an orgasm.

Ah yes, the orgasm. Many advancements have been made in the field of neuroanatomy yet still very little is definitively known about the orgasm. Scientists have observed via brain imaging technology that at the time of orgasm a part of your brain known as the nucleus accumbens shows increased activity.

Why is this significant? The nucleus accumbens in also referred to as the reward center of the brain. Want to know what else makes your nucleus accumbens light up like a Fourth of July fireworks show? Cocaine, chocolate, and music just to name a few.

Obviously that's got to mean something. Sex, cocaine, chocolate and music all make the reward center of your brain go bananas. Pleasure, pleasure, pleasure, pleasure.

Sigh. All of that being said, I repeat again, I do not think sex is overrated. But in our society is it slightly overemphasized? Yeah, I think so.

Sex is fucking fantastic and your brain is inclined to agree with you. But there's also much much much more to life and love, than just sex.

The economics of love

The economics of love reflect the intensity of a relationship. When it comes to an end the ones with the most invested will suffer the greatest heartbreak. While those who find it easy to simply walk away have long ago pulled out their assets and do not suffer the same sense of loss their partner has only begun to experience. The effects of the fall out are felt for many years and alter the investors own willingness to seek out new emotional enterprises. It often leads to a sense of emotional bankcruptcy. Many report that they feel drained, as though they have nothing left to give. Sufferers may even seek out quick payouts from other sources, longing for the emotional stockpile they had been privy to before.

Love is also dependent on the rules of supply and demand. When the love you seek is in short supply, you will go out of your way and pay almost any price just to have access to such a precious commodity once again. The inverse is also true. If the love you possess is in high supply, you will take it for granted, its value in your eyes will diminish and you will no longer request it in such a high quantity. Keep this in mind next time you invest in someone else.

Probably most importantly though, the same way some people are good with money, some people are good with love. Invest your love wisely, don't spend all your love in one place, and closely monitor who has access to your love. Making wise and informed decisions regarding your love will increase your dividends substantially.

Finally, when it comes to love diversify your portfolio. DO NOT INVEST ALL OF YOUR LOVE IN ONE PERSON OR IDEA. Love should be distributed amongst family members, friends, hobbies, passions and finally significant others. That being said, while it may seem plausible to invest minute amounts of your love into several different avenues in the long run your gains will be minimal. Taking a chance and investing a substantial portion of your love set aside exclusively for "significant other" in one particular person can ultimately maximize your gains in 5, 10, 25 years.

I'd much rather be a key shareholder in someone special than have remnants of my love invested in many other individuals.

Make sense? Yeah I thought so.

Yes we're both a little broken (poetry)

Yes we're both a little broken.






Parts of you still love her,


the one who smiled and whispered your name


late, late in the night.


When your eyes glance away


I wonder if that's where you go.


You are quiet.


Still.


I hear you're breath,


And drift into you're mind's eye


to see if you're with her now.





Parts of me still love him,


the one who wrapped his hands around my waist


and kissed me soft.


Each deep sigh I release


and you worry, You worry


Still.


Grasping at the soul winds leaving my body,


going far and away, far and away towards him.





Ssshhh, let's not wonder. Not worry.





Lie here with me.





And the parts that are left,





Of us


We'll melt them together.


You and me.

The Sacrifice

Christianity centers around one overarching idea: Jesus, the son of God, died for the sins of man & through this act our souls are redeemed.

More or less.

I'm not going to debate the theological aspect of this claim or even go into the vast differences across denominations, branches, and sects.

And whether you are Christian or not is more or less irrelevant to this post.

This foundational idea though, is what I find most striking. Christians always celebrate the sacrifice made by their Savior; often resorting to a matra in essence saying "He died for my me". But taking from scripture it says:

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life" --John 3:16

Examine the language. Look at what it means.

God gave his only son.

When placed in a less ethereal context I think the significance becomes even greater and more relatable. They say the greatest pain imaginable is losing a child. And the bond between parent and child is one that is often unbreakable when formed.

My dad tells me he'd give me his heart if I needed it. And as farfetched as it may sound I know that in some crazy alternate universe if I needed a heart transplant my father would actually lay down his life so that I may live.

A child is a parent's whole world.

Would you give up the life of your child to save the souls of countless future generations? Many of which who would never appreciate the sacrifice you made?

It's one thing to sacrifice your own life for others. But imagine the difficult situation of having to sacrifice the life of your child, your whole world.

Okay, okay, okay hypothetical scenario. Aliens come and invade the planet (bear with me). They will destroy the entire planet along with everyone on it. That's 6 billion lives lost. If the only option was to sacrifice the life of your own baby boy or girl would you do it? Would you stand by and watch your child suffer unimaginable pain and suffering just to save the lives of others?

Would you? Knowing probably a lot of the people on the earth, present and future. would never appreciate or honor that sacrifice?

Would you sacrifice your world, your heart, your love, your everything?

I don't think I would.

So what does that say about the Christian God? He made the biggest sacrifice.

He sacrificed His whole world to save ours.

Kinda crazy when you think of it that way.

The girl without a heart (fiction)

Each night I turned on my iPod and listened to the song that best reflected my everchanging emotional upheaval. Tonight it was (oh just insert any old broken hearted love song here) and it suited me. I felt a little broken. I ached the way an old toy ached after years of play. One day you find yourself at the bottom of a cardboard box. Yes, just like in Toy Story.

As the music flooded my ears I began to cry. I had wanted to cry and the song was the perfect catalyst. I cried until the song was over, said my prayers and went to bed. I repeated this sadly simple ritual every night before bed for several weeks. After a month I came to the realization that it was becoming harder and harder to cry. I felt like an orange rind that had been squeezed and juiced hundreds of times in a row. There were no more tears. I couldn't fathom why until it finally occured to me that I has healing. I couldn't cry anymore because it was no longer necessary.

I wouldn't classify it as attempted murder, what he did.

He simply held my beating heart in his hands and turned his back toward me. I lay there, dying, gasping for air. He set my bloody-red heart, my healthy beautiful pulsating heart on the concrete. He set it down softly and quietly walked away. He didn't look back of course. They only look back in the movies. I watched his silhouette and loved him still.

So that's where I stayed. I struggled to breathe. I struggled to live and somehow I did. I lived without a heart. My heart sat on the gray concrete floor, a little bit more than an arm's length of where I was sprawled out. The crimson blood seeped and pooled around my heart making a lovely little stain on the floor.

And that's where my heart stayed. It kept beating, oddly enough. A bonafide medical mystery. But he had decided he didn't want it anymore. And I couldn't quite reach it myself. So that's where it stayed.